"____" Is a Christmas Movie
Die Hard is tired - THESE are Christmas movies
“My favorite Christmas movie is Die Hard,” okay, sure. Real original take there, pal! Do you also think bacon is epic? IPAs are good? The word “moist” is gross? Candy Corn is disgusting? Get a fresh take! The movie is fun, but we heard you back in 2015. Yes, yes. Die Hard is a Christmas movie. There. I said it. Can we move on to other important matters? It’s time to discuss other non-Christmas-y Christmas movies.
While the Die-Hard-is-a-Christmas-Movie contingent is strong and annoying every year - nearly as strong and annoying as the Love, Actually Sucks Crew (which has Lindy West to thank for its inception) - I appreciate the sentiment. As someone who made her family watch Ben Affleck’s bizarre action movie Reindeer Games one Christmas, I know there is something twisted and delightful in enjoying a non-traditional Christmas movie. What is a non-traditional Christmas movie? Well, by the Die Hard standard, it’s simply a movie that takes place at Christmas time. So, without further ado, here are other non-traditional Christmas movies for you to force your friends and family to watch this holiday season.
Gremlins (1984)
Is Gremlins a Halloween classic? Absolutely not. This little bugger takes place on Christmas. On Christmas Eve, a small town is being taken over by evil, annoying, ugly gremlins who are wreaking havoc. It’s up to the son of an inventor father (an entire spinoff movie should have been made about this character, Death of a Salesman style) to save his pet Mogwai named Gizmo and the entire town from gremlins. It’s funny. It’s gross. it’s Gremlins!
Go (1999)
Go is a weird one. I saw it recently for the first time and wavered on “huh???” and “oh, this is fun” repeatedly. For a modern viewer, much of it feels dated, but I can see how it would have been daring and edgy at the time. The film features several storylines and characters whose lives all intersect on Christmas Eve to a soundtrack that includes Christmas classics like Len’s “Steal My Sunshine”. In late 90s fashion, there is a storyline about ecstasy, nudity and light misogyny, cool young actors, and some gay themes. Fun fact: Oscar-winning writer and director Sarah Polley starred in the film. She’s great!
Carol (2015)
Is anyone cooler than Cate Blanchett as the titular Carol? This 1940s-set romance stars Blanchett as an older closeted lesbian who hits on a young woman (Rooney Mara) working at a department store during Christmas. While getting a gift for her daughter, Carol hits on the young lady who becomes enamored with Carol. A passionate, illegal, and frowned-upon affair ensues. It's a gorgeous film with fantastic acting about forbidden love and midcentury gay romance just in time for the holidays.
Tangerine (2015)
Everyone is nuts about Sean Baker this year. The director has been launched into stardom with this year’s hit film Anora, so it’s the perfect time to visit one of his earlier films which put him on the map: Tangerine. Tangerine was most famous for being filmed on an iPhone, but it also occurs on Christmas Eve. In Baker’s signature style of humor and heart meets the underground world that is typically portrayed as seedy, a trans sex worker searches all over LA for her boyfriend and former pimp after she hears rumors that he’s been unfaithful to her. It’s a funny, edgy film featuring lovable characters and the power of friendship. It might be the most heartwarming movie on this list, including its nude scenes.
The Long Kiss Goodbye (1996)
Tired: The epic action movie Die Hard is a Christmas movie.
Wired: GEENA DAVIS WINS SHOOT OUT ON ICE SKATES!!!
Renny Harlin’s crazy, over-the-top action flick takes place sweetly during Christmas time. But what is its Christmas-y plot? Oh, I’m so glad you asked. Geena Davis plays a teacher with amnesia who remembers her former identity as an assassin while chopping vegetables. It’s as intense as you can imagine. Then Samuel L. Jackson enters as a detective who needs Davis to go back to her former identity to take out some violent people. She is suddenly the best assassin in the world and she dyes her hair platinum blond to prove it. Merry Christmas.
While You Were Sleeping (1995)
You *might* find this one on TV at Christmas time, but it’s now considered more of a bonkers rom-com than a Christmas movie. That’s a shame because the inciting incident takes place on Christmas and I watch it every year.
I hear you asking: wait, what’s bonkers about this Sandra Bullock classic? If you have never heard of this movie or have become numb to how insane the plot is, let me remind you: a CTA worker’s crush falls on the train tracks. She saves his life. She takes him to the hospital where a nurse thinks that she’s the man’s fiance. They’ve barely ever spoken - Sandra just thinks he’s super hot. So while the man is in a coma, the family arrives and learns that Sandra is the fiance. She is not. They have never spoken, but she doesn’t want to break anyone’s heart on Christmas when they are already going through a hard time…so she plays along. Then she falls in love with coma crush’s brother. This is all in the first 30 minutes of the movie. It takes place in Chicago and is wildly quotable. I love it.
The Life and Adventures of Santa Claus (1985)
Look, I talk about this every year. It should come as no surprise that I am once again screaming from the woods with my Axe of Immortality that this is the most metal Christmas special of all time. While many Letterbox reviews of this Rankin & Bass classic (their final film! They go from Rudolph to THIS!) say things like “what the fuck is this”, I insist on including it here for that very reason. Is anything about this film traditionally Christmas-y? No. And yet Santa Claus is the main character.
Who are the other characters? Oh, I’m SO glad you asked. Classic Christmas fellas like Master Woodsman of the World The Great Ak (his full title), Princess Necile, The Lioness Shiagra who raises baby Claus in the woods, Tingler the language elf, King Agua who is sort of a cave creature who steals toys, and the entire Council of Immortals (incredible get!!!). The plot is simple: Santa Claus is going to die, so the Council of Immortals gathers to recount his life and determine whether he is worthy of the Mantle of Immortality. His life includes an epic battle with a dragon. I’ll say less.
Next time you hear “Die Hard is a Christmas movie”, you can performatively roll your eyes and rattle off this list. You can add many more than this! I was going to include Eyes Wide Shut and Kiss Kiss Bang Bang, but I have to rest or I will get eaten by Krampus.