Obscure Christmas Specials for Yuletide Cheer
Get really really weird this Christmas
It’s the most wonderful time of the year: when Christmas-themed television and movies dominate entertainment. Everyone has a favorite Christmas special, like the classics Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer and A Charlie Brown Christmas.
Yawn. Aren’t you bored of those?
I’m a big fan of the weird, wild, and forgotten Christmas specials. Does it make sense? Then no thanks! Give me the ham-fisted and the weird. Give me WEIRD. This season, gather the family around the hearth (your TV) and put on one of these absolutely bizarre and confusing Christmas specials. ‘Tis the season to get trippy:
The Life and Adventures of Santa Claus
If you have read my writing before around Christmas time, then you know how I feel about this special. It is my absolute favorite, so I am starting with it this time.
This is an atheist’s best choice for a Christmas special as it explains every beloved Christmas tradition without using any religious basis. The Wonderful Wizard of Oz author, L. Frank Baum, actually wrote the equally odd 1902 book that this is based on. This adaptation was Rankin and Bass’s final Claymation Christmas special. I am personally SO happy that they went out with such a banger.
Where to even begin with this one? “At the beginning, Great Ak,” says one of the fairy goddesses at the beginning of this tale. Yes, I said fairy goddess. This special begins with a dirge that introduces the Council of the Immortals who are gathering in the woods (requested by the Master Woodsman himself, The Great Ak, who seems like a skinny proto-Santa) to hear Santa’s life story in order to decide if “The Claus” should be granted The Mantle of Immortality to become one of them.
THAT IS HOW IT STARTS. IT STARTS WITH THAT SETUP. I MEAN, COME ON!!!
From there, we hear about Santa Claus’ childhood which, if you didn’t know, involved being raised in the forest by the wood nymph Necile and the Tigress Shiagra. You know, Christmas things.
Later on in the special, Santa discovers he enjoys wittling toys for local kids and no one is weirded out by the single man living with a pet tiger and an annoying elf who speaks every language in the world making and delivering toys to their kids. The toys are stolen by this gang of rude crude dudes with bad attitudes:
This makes The Great Ak very angry, so he gathers The Immortals and they have a battle. THERE IS A DRAGON IN THE BATTLE. THIS IS BETTER THAN GAME OF THRONES. MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!!
Leperchaun’s Christmas Gold
Speaking of Rankin and Bass, let’s talk about another absolutely bonkers special that seems to have more to do with St. Patrick’s Day than Santa Claus. In this special, we hear about leperchauns, banshees, and a bog hag. It also just so happens to be Christmas which is why this has anything to do with Christmas at all. Other than that, it’s just a tall blond dude hanging out with leperchauns and saving them from an ugly Irish witch. Yet again, I wish thee a Merry Christmas.
AD/BC
It was only last Christmas that I discovered AB/DC which is wild considering this hilarious 28-minute special from Matt Berry and friends is exactly up my alley and I have a giant talent crush on Mr. Berry. In this clear spoof the rock-opera Jesus Christ Superstar, Berry tells the story of The Nativity from the point-of-view of The Innkeeper.
You know The Innkeeper? A guy talked about not at all ever? This is his story. He runs a busy inn in Bethlehem and he has his own drama to worry about. And it is…glorious:
The Junky’s Christmas
Leave it to William S. Burroughs to pen the darkest Christmas special that I have ever encountered. The grayscale claymation tells the story of an addict named Danny who is trying to kick his heroin habit. When he is released from a stint in jail, he tries to score a fix. If you think he is going to have a Scrooge-esque moment that gets him off drugs and has him celebrating Christmas with other former-addicts in recovery, then you don’t know William S. Burroughs.
The special gets downright grim and he even breaks into a car and discovers two severed legs in a suitcase which is perhaps a better present than coal. So, yeah, have a holly jolly Christmas with this one.
Star Wars Christmas Special
I would be remiss if I failed to mention this kitschy classic. It is schlocky in all of the best ways. I am not much of a Star Wars person (insert Lucille Bluth quote here), but I know that fans of Star Wars and fans of weird holiday specials both LOVE to talk about this one. So here we go!
This was made in 1978 and it stars Chewbacca and Han Solo on an adventure to celebrate the Wookie holiday “Life Day”. So, no, it’s not even Christmas.
This special was SO hated that it has actually never been officially rebroadcast. You can find very bootlegged versions of it online, but Mr. Lucas wanted to pretty much Men in Black this thing from the public’s memory and he has mostly succeeded. Thankfully, The Internet never forgets. You can watch it here.
So this Christmas, pick one of these weird ass specials and give your family a treat: the treat of showing them something so ridiculous that they might never talk to you again. OR you become everyone’s favorite uncle.
What I’m Reading: Cool for You by Eileen Myles
What I’m watching: Wednesday on Netflix, Canada vs. The World, Survivor